Yesterday I was not at my best...


For a while I had thought it would be a boring, average day. But suddenly something in me kinda snapped. I got the shivers, I was paranoid, my skin itched like there were insects under my skin, I couldn't breathe without rasping and panting, and I violently wretched until I tore my throat so blood seeped out my mouth.
I began to hallucinate and scratched furiously at my arms until I created gashes in them. I can't remember what I did after I left my desk but I apparently fell asleep with my eyes wide open and when I was awoken I nearly hit my own mother. They forced me to down a handful of Ibuprofen so that I would sleep but even then I wouldn't fall until late into the night. All I can remember of the night was dreams of torture and rape.
My arms are red, raw, and scabbed. My head hurts and screams. Worst of all, I feel as though all the progress I had made in the past few months consisting of emotional and mental problems, are gone. I am depressed, I want to die, and the urge to stab my worthless being is so overpowering...

I'm not telling my parents what I went through and I shouldn't be telling you. I'm crowding your inbox with my worthless bitching and unimportant life. Do not worry over me, you are wasting your energy.




why am i writing this...